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Resolution of the Future – Clone Wives

Wednesday is when I traditionally extol the virtues of a product, but with the Blind Ferret shop closed while the warehouse moves, there’s no point in trying to sell you something you can’t currently buy. Instead I am continuing my three part series on my most elaborate New Years Resolution by extolling the virtues of my wife, Tina. 

You can’t buy her either…

In the far future year of 2020, we have laser trophies!

If you’ve heard anything about my wife Tina, it’s that she’s awesome. If you know her, you know how lucky you are. And if you are married to Tina, then your life is richer in ways that would not be possible otherwise. 

Fortunately for me, I am married to Tina! Unfortunately for everyone else, they are not. And that includes Tina herself. Before this year, it seemed impossible for Tina to have a Tina of her own, benefiting her in the same way she has benefited me. Well this is 2020, and impossibility is a thing of the past! 

Here’s my plan to clone Tina:

Be Tina’s Tina

Tina’s incredibly intuitive, clever, and methodical. She has solutions before most people realize there’s a problem. Which is helpful to everyone in Tina’s life, but it means a lot of Tina’s life is spent dealing with other people’s problems. Intuitively. 

However, just because it is her nature doesn’t mean it doesn’t wear on her. It’s like how I’m incredibly strong, but that doesn’t mean I can carry my maximum load forever. So, step one of cloning Tina is to develop a Tina-like intuition for Tina’s needs.

For example, we had her family over the other day and we decided to order food. What food? Everyone basically said they’re good with whatever, which is the rudest form of being polite. Tina’s usual move is to follow-up with a few options and see if she can narrow “absolutely everything is a viable option” down to a couple of legitimate options. 

Knowing this is a combination of Tina trying to take charge but also accommodate everyone, I stepped in and checked if anyone objected to ordering from Tina’s favourite Chinese restaurant. No objections, so I made the call. Like, I placed the phone call, something else Tina would usually be the one handling.

The stress in Tina’s life is like a death from a thousand cuts. I aim to more vigilantly watch for incoming cuts and take as many of them for her. 

Be My Own Tina

There was a time I booked my own appointments, cooked my own meals, kept track of my own deadlines. More recently, there was a time when I realized I barely did any of that anymore. I appreciate having Tina handle responsibilities I have trouble with -our mantra as a couple is “I find the bombs, she drives the car. We tried it the other way but it didn’t work” – but over the years, more and more items that fall somewhere between finding bombs and driving cars have landed on her plate.

A lot of what’s on Tina’s plate is clearly mine, and her plate doesn’t need a burden I can manage. 

Make Tina Let Me Be Tina

Like I said, Tina taking on responsibilities for the benefits of all is one of her instincts. Even though the stress it adds to her life is something she’ll lament, it’s also something she’s defensive of.

One of the weird parts of this resolution is that I have to be prepared to have “No, *I’ll* do it” arguments with Tina. The challenge will be twofold, because not only can Tina be stubborn, but one of my pet peeves is politeness offs. I grew up baffled by family members trying to pay each other back and neither side wanting the money. As I got older, politeness oneupmanship continued to annoy me, as it seemed to be both a waste of time and missing the point. But for Tina’s sake, I’m putting that annoyance aside. I will do stuff for her and myself and there’s nothing she can do to stop me!

Tomorrow, I talk about my preparations for turning 40 this year.