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On November 24th (or possibly the 22nd), 2008, I did that thing where I got married to another human being, pledging to spend the rest of my life with her. To be fair, I was drinking around 8 red bulls a day back then, so I genuinely didn’t think I was making that much of a long term commitment.

Regardless, with a ring on my finger, I be wed.

And there that ring stayed. For the last 9 years it resided on my finger, never leaving its new home…

…because Fatty McFatFingers hit 30 and apparently I carry my goddamn weight in my fingers. Thus, the ring was stuck.

It hasn’t really bothered me, until recently, when it began to hurt. A lot.

So I did what anyone with internet access does, and I google how to get this metal thing off my finger. String. Butter. Lube. Grease. Oil. Cold Water. Soap.

It wasn’t going anywhere.

That’s when I knew I was going to have to get it cut off my finger. I called the jeweler, who said no. I called another jeweler, who also said no. Finally, the 3rd jeweler told me they wouldn’t do it either, and that I would have to go to the hospital to get it off.

Just then, our office contractor walked into my building…

(NSFW – Lots o’ F Bombs. Lots).

A post shared by Sohmer (@sohmer) on

I make very poor decisions.

-Because I Can.

Quote of the Day

“If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.”
-Jim Carrey