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Most of my posts are about my journey of self-improvement as I march towards turning 40, or they’re about pop culture. Today’s blog is about neither. Today I am here to tell you that I am a genius, and I can tell you how you can be too.

I invented the Nutellatte.

July 8th, 2020 BN (Before Nutellatte)

My daughter’s been on a Nutella kick lately, which I might be concerned about if that kid wasn’t the only 5 year old I know with abs. Wednesday, I managed to get her one last Nutella sandwich out of our jar before taking her to daycare.

My routine after dropping my girls off is to heat up some milk, froth it with my froth wand, and add coffee and granulated sugar. On this day, with an empty Nutella jar between one half cup of coffee and one half cup of frothy milk, I got an idea.

X-Men: Origins: Nutellatte

I say the Nutella jar was empty, but that’s not true. It was lined with patches of hazelnut spread too thin the scrape off. To tell the truth, I often don’t recycle my Nutella jars because a small part of me dies when I watch what I know to be perfectly good but completely inaccessible chocolaty goodness circle the drain. Well that Wednesday, I found a way to wash my Nutella jar without wasting the last of the Nutella.

I poured my coffee into the Nutella jar, screwed the lid back on tight, and shook it. Then I inspected. The sides were noticeably cleaner. I gave the jar another shake, getting really vicarious. I was aware of the risk that the jar was not watertight and that I could be one shake away from covering myself in scalding coffee and my kitchen in staining brown water, but I had to do this. For science.

The Science of Nutellatte

Having said that, I’m really thankful I didn’t hurt myself making a huge mess because my wife, an actual scientist, would have known I wasn’t doing this for science as much as I was for curiosity and trying to salvage a little bit of junk food. She would also know that there was no scientific method to my non-scientific madness.

The coffee managed to completely strip the jar of the hazelnut. I poured my mix into my frothy milk and gave it a sip.

The Proof Is In The Nutellatte

Nutellatte is not just a clever name. I managed to make a smooth, satisfying mocha latte, and clean a jar to boot. I had my granulated sugar on hand in case I needed to salvage my coffee. After one sip, I put it away, unused.

The Future of Nutellatte

Nutellatte was a creation of circumstance. Could it be recreated? Or, like the origins of so many super heroes, was it lightning in the bottle? (Unrelated, am I the only one who would enjoy a one shot of all the people in the Marvel universe who were exposed to radiation that just died? Like, 48 pages where every page was framed like this guy could be the next Spider-Man but, nope. Dead. Maybe just me. Honestly, maybe it’s not even me…)

I still have the jar. When I get a new Nutella, I could spread some in the old jar and see if this allows me to have Nutellatte whenever I want. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe Nutellattes should be special occasions to mark the passing of a jar of Nutella.

Heh. Instead of that last “Nutella,” I accidentally wrote “Nutellatte”. It’s officially a thing. A thing called Nutellatte!