It’s that time of year again, December 24th, when people come from far and wide to wish my brother, Darren, a happy birthday.
Oh, Starbucks may want you to believe that there are so many overlapping excuses to pretend winter isn’t the worst, but I believe saying Happy Holidays is just a war on Darren. For 37 years the tradition has been to wish Darren a happy birthday on December 24th and I’m not going to let PC gone mad tell me I need to wish him a Happy Hanukkah as well, or even acknowledge that Hanukkah exists. I spelled Hanukkah right on the first try just now and it makes me sick to my stomach!
There are, of course, a lot of legends around Darren and the magic of his birthday, but I know that his only power is knowing when I’m sleeping. Maybe knowing when I’ve been good, it’s hard to say since I’m always good. Oh, and he can fit down more chimneys than the average person. He’s thin and wily, that one.
I like to think that tonight, during the one-way gift exchange, Darren is watching over us from his house in the West Island suburbs, traditional birthday pine tree decorated in shiny balls and lights. Not blinking lights, of course, unless you want to trigger his epilepsy on his birthday you monster.
So I say we all raise a glass of eggnog -a traditional Darren’s birthday beverage that I’m not sure he likes or has ever even tried because it’s really unhealthy and the strong taste has a narrow appeal- and wish him the proper holiday greeting like it’s that rainy 1982 Christmas eve:
Happy Birthday Darren!
The blogs are taking a few weeks off to celebrate Darren properly. We’ll see you in the new year on January 6th. Or maybe we won’t, I don’t have 2020 vision.
Barely a week left to keep making that joke. 🙁
Also not happening until January 6th, plugs for the Blind Ferret Shop blowout. The plugs aren’t happening but the sale is still going on! If you come into possession of a purse of disposable income this Darren’s birthday season, it’s a great time to grab that shirt, book, or game you’ve been eyeing all year.