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Friday Larchive – He’s A Murdelar!

Fridays, we open the Larchives, Lar’s extensive archive of art work oddities, and share a few pieces. Sometimes there will be a theme, or a reason behind the choices. Other times there will be none.

If you are reading this, send help!

Something’s wrong with Lar. If that even is Lar. A bunch of Blind Ferret staff got an e-mail saying Lar was coming to see us. Montreal being in the red right now, we’re ordered to avoid have even small gatherings. But this is Lar! You don’t miss a chance to see Lar. Looking back, I wish we had.

Will, Stone, Moss, and I arrived at the old abandoned warehouse address Lar gave us. We figured he picked a meeting place that avoids getting caught for breaking quarantine. We suspected nothing. Not even as the rusty door locked behind us thanks to a bunch of weird gears and shafts.

We heard Lar before we saw him. His jovial voice echoed from the shadows. “Would you like to play a game?”

“Sure,” Will said. “How about Among Us?”

“How about…” Lar replied. “Among Rotary Blades?”

Will was halfway through asking Lar if he was having a senior moment when the floor opened up beneath him and he fell into a pit of spinning saws! Before we registered what was happening, they turned Will into a red slush like one of the smoothies he’s been drinking lately. He’s been trying to lose weight, but not that much!

“Careful, Lar! This warehouse is booby trapped!” poor innocent Stone naively shouted.

“I saw,” Lar said.

“Why so much emphasis on the ‘saw’?” Stone said, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly, a chainsaw swung through the room from out of nowhere, raising Stone’s other eyebrow, along with the rest of his head as it decapitated him!

“Ironic death traps?” Moss shouted. He began muttering to himself. “Don’t say ‘crotch explosion’. Don’t say ‘crotch explosion’.”

Suddenly Moss’ crotch exploded!

“Nooo!!!” he cried.

As Moss was hoisted on his own nard petard, I ran for an exit. I didn’t even check if he was alive or dead.

“Why are you doing this?” I stupidly asked. I should have kept quiet, but I had to know. This was Lar! Everyone’s loveable adopted uncle. Why was he killing us?

“I’m glad you axed.” I heard him say.